Peludos Mamuts Giganteos Contra El Teutón Militan. Treufest

What do you make of the competition so far? The fancied teams have progressed as expected but all, apart from Spain, have been woefully underperforming and frankly tedious to watch. England needed a miracle and France are in the last eight without scoring from open play. What will this round bring? Will the big guns finally fire? Let's hope so.

Spain 2 Germany 1
The Spanish have certainly been the most entertaining of the tops teams so far. Even going a goal down to the brave Georgians didn't put them out of their stride running out comfortable winners and scoring some excellent goals along the way. They still miss a hatfull of chances and this may haunt them but for football's sake I hope they progress. The Germans have been underwhelming and not a little lucky with VAR their best player in the game against Denmark who should feel aggrieved. If the competition had been played anywhere else Denmark would have got the goal and the German penalty not given. On that basis I hope they lose and of corse, because they are German.

Portugal 0 France 1
Who wasn't moved by seeing Ronalda crying like a baby after missing a penalty? Me, for one. He's been one of the world's greatest but his sense of entitlement is immense. How many bleeding free kicks was he gonna take before he got one on target? Anyway Portugal deserved the win but it was a damn near run thing, as the Duke of Wellington once said. How the heck have the French got through? It leaves the feeling that their name is on the trophy despite playing shite. I wonder how much you'd have got at the bookies if you bet them getting through with a penalty and 2 own goals? Outrageous. And if Mbappé is anything other than a show pony he has to start proving it now. Taunting the opposition after conceding an own goal is poor form. I hope they lose but I think the Gods are on their side. Lucky Frogs Bastards.

England 2 Switzerland 0
Speaking of Lucky bastards, what can I say about this shower? 4 terrible performances saved by one moment of magic from Saint Jude the Bellend. I just can't believe we can play this badly again. The Swiss have been excellent so far and I haven't given them enough credit for their performances. They will be tough nut to crack. Despite all the evidence I have England to win but I suspect that's heart not head and we'll limp out with a whimper without having a shot on goal......

Netherlands 2 Turkey 1
The Dutch finally turned up and swept aside a dissapointing Romania side. They certainly should have scored more goals and can't afford to be so wasteful this time. The Turks were involved in one of the classic games in holding on to beat the Hapsburgs. That last minute save was reminiscent of Gordon Banks v Pele or Santi Brea v Dave Thompson. This should be an exciting encounter but I expect the Orange Army to be celebrating come full time.

Well here we are at the sharp end. Thing's haven't changed much from the quarters. 3 of the 4 sides are still struggling to find their best form. Spain are the only side to look like prospective champions. I just hope their is a modicum of entertainment along the way but I expect these games to be tense, not a little boring affairs settled by the odd goal or penalties, Main forbid.

Spain 0 France 1
The Spanish again entertained us in an enthralling games against the hosts. (I had to despair at England fans chanting "you're going home" to German fans. The competition is in Germany you morons) Anyway the Spanish have shown more of a threat upfront than any of the other semi finalists though they still miss too many chances and this will be their downfall where chances will be at a premium. The French have stunk the place out and must be the luckiest team in history to get to a semi with a forward line with all the penetration of a eunoch. I still think the lucky bastards will get through with an own goal or dodgy penalty. It just seems pre ordained. I just hope I'm wrongband they get the battering they deserve.

England 2 Netherlands 0
Well knock me down with a feather we finally won a penalty shoot out and with some aplomb. Without setting the world alight with flowing attacking football we we definitely the better side and deserved the win. Looking at the Dutch they too have struggled and were fortunate to get past a plucky Turkish side who deserved better. We know most of their players from the Premier league so there should hold no fears. I think we may be more comfortable that we suspect though with England they usually put you through the emotional wringer.

 

Te convertirás en cerveza y lloverá por ti.

Well here we are, the Final game of a competition I've personally enjoyed tremendously. OK some of the football has been subpar at times but there have been plenty of drama, great goals and bonkers finishes. Some of the more unfancied teams gave it a real go and the Germans went out early ha ha ha. What will the final bring? England have had the rub of the green to be sure but they have been resilient and played to the last kick, literally. They were clearly the better team against the Dutch and could have been out of sight by half time despite conceding early. The Dutch stilled us in the second half and were clearly playing for penalties, the boring bastards so justice was done when Watkins rifled in with the last kick. You've been tangoed you Orange walkers ha ha ha. The Spanish have been an exciting watch from game one and are clearly favourites to win. I was so pleased they dispatched the lucky Frenchies in the semi. Having said that they have vulnerabilities which I hope we can exploit. A few of these lads play in the Premier league so should hold no fears. If we let them control the ball we'll lose but if we compete and press them hard, take our chances we can pull off a shock. I'm sure the rest of the world will be hoping we don't but come on you do want to hear a few thousand more chorus of "It's coming home" don't you?

England 2 Spain 1